Sunday, April 17, 2011

Positive Sexuality

I saw over at Temple of the Future that April 15th was a Day of Silence to honor those who have been hated and beaten down, emotionally and physically, simply because their sexuality and love is a bit different from society's norms. I missed the boat for the day itself, but I see no reason not to make a few comments about such issues simply because it's not 4/15/2011. I hardly think anyone would call it controversial to claim that this deserves our attention year round.

Now, I cannot say that I've had it as rough as some have when it comes to sexuality. I am bisexual, but I have not experienced any direct prejudice from that. I have heard that some homosexuals will claim that bisexuality doesn't exist, but no one has said that to me personally that I can recall. Nor have any straight people tried to harm me or insult me directly because of it, although I was very aware of the derision felt towards same sex attraction in my high school, and in my own family. To be fair, I do sometimes think that my sexuality can best be described as "fluid" (or greedy, I've used 'greedy' as well). I almost always like the ladies, but my attraction for men will sometimes be the stronger, or my desire for certain practices will ebb and flow, day in and day out. Perhaps as a result, I simply don't put out a "vibe" that would draw attention. On the other hand, I've also been aware that if I were publicly out to my family or at work, I may be faced with exactly the kind of prejudice I've so far avoided. I am out to all of my friends, and generally ambivalent if they happen to mention it to others, so long as it's not likely to harm me.

I'll also mention that I'm polyamorous. I fully believe that it's possible and ethical for people to engage in more than one romantic or sexual relationship simultaneously, so long as respect, integrity, and communication are first and foremost. I've seen it. I've experienced it. I've also fucked it up before, but I don't think monogamous people can generally claim they haven't fucked up before either. I am married to a wonderful woman, and at the time of this writing not in any other relationships. I would like to be, but no one's come along that "fits the bill." Oddly enough, I think I've had more negative reactions to being poly than to being bisexual. People seem to have a very hard time understanding the concept of feeling romantic/sexual love for more than one person at a time, and especially understanding how that in no way denigrates the parties involved. Every individual is unique, having their own quirks and oddities, their own talents and skills, their own way of approaching the world. Sure, I've noticed certain traits in common in all the people I've loved romantically, but I have also seen that they are nonetheless unique people, and that the love I feel for each is equally unique. That's right, love feels different every time, but is always wonderful!

This post wasn't intended as a way to come out as bi or poly or any such thing, or to describe myself. I guess saying all that is my way of putting it out there that I am here, in solidarity with those who've had it harder than I. At times, I can only imagine what they've gone through, and feel an empathetic ache in my heart. I don't know what will happen if and when my family realizes these things about me, but I cannot imagine that it will be a pleasant experience.

A few sites that may be of use to people:
Sexual Intelligence: a blog fighting against sexual oppression
Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network
Gay Rights:
Polyamory Society

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