Thursday, January 23, 2014

Fun with religious Facebook memes

A couple of times today I saw the following meme on Facebook. I figured I would annotate some of my thoughts in red, just for fun.
Me: God, can I ask You a question?
God: Sure [Holy shit, God actually speaks??]
Me: Promise You won't get mad
God: I promise
Me: Why did You let so much stuff happen to me today? [what sort of bad shit we got going on?]
God: What do u mean?
Me: Well, I woke up late [annoying, sure; did the alarm not go off?]
God: Yes
Me: My car took forever to start
God: Okay
Me: at lunch they made my sandwich wrong & I had to wait [....]
God: Huummm
Me: On the way home, my phone went DEAD, just as I picked up a call
God: All right
Me: And on top of it all off, when I got home ~I just want to soak my feet in my new foot massager & relax. BUT it wouldn't work!!! Nothing went right today! Why did You do that? [I realize that all these things would annoy me too, but still, can I just say: first world problems?]
God: Let me see, the death angel was at your bed this morning & I had to send one of My Angels to battle him for your life. I let you sleep through that [so, the death angel isn't in your employ, God? who knew?]
Me (humbled): OH
GOD: I didn't let your car start because there was a drunk driver on your route that would have hit you if you were on the road. [wait . . . why'd you let the drunk driver get in the car in the first place?]
Me: (ashamed)
God: The first person who made your sandwich today was sick & I didn't want you to catch what they have, I knew you couldn't afford to miss work. [So cure the sickness already. Why let that poor worker suffer?]
Me (embarrassed):Okay [you're embarrassed at these lame excuses, right?]
God: Your phone went dead because the person that was calling was going to give false witness about what you said on that call, I didn't even let you talk to them so you would be covered. [you know God, couldn't you have just told this "Me" person the score then, and let them make decide if they wanted to talk? and maybe chat with the would-be-liar about why they shouldn't lie?]
Me (softly): I see God
God: Oh and that foot massager, it had a shortage that was going to throw out all of the power in your house tonight. I didn't think you wanted to be in the dark. [soooo, how about fixing the foot massager instead? should be easy for you, right?]
Me: I'm Sorry God
God: Don't be sorry, just learn to Trust Me.... in All things , the Good & the bad. [you're not giving me a lot of confidence here]
Me: I will trust You. [sigh]
God: And don't doubt that My plan for your day is Always Better than your plan. [and again, but you're not filling me with a lot of confidence here]
Me: I won't God. And let me just tell you God, Thank You for Everything today. [double sigh]
God: You're welcome child. It was just another day being your God and I Love looking after My Children [but apparently not in the most efficient ways]

Ok, I admit. Low hanging fruit. But this isn't the first time I've seen a similar fictional conversation, and some people treat it like great wisdom. That bothers me.

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